Is It Wrong to Make Your Kids Do Chores?

Chores

Mar 7

Ah yes, another parent questioning if we should make our little ones begin to contribute to our households.

Everyone does it, but there’s still a lot of debate around whether or not it’s morally “wrong” to make your kids do chores. Chores are known for helping create responsible and independent adults, and that starts from when we’re toddlers!

But is it really what’s best for our children? Let’s find out!

Why Are Chores Important?

Other than the obvious helping around the house, why are doing chores so important for kids?

A 2019 study discovered that doing chores growing up is directly related to improved social skills, academic skills, and overall life satisfaction. There are various others that only reinforce this idea, and it makes a lot of sense.

After all, are we adults not essentially “doing chores” in exchange for a paycheck? If we start this from a very early age, we normalize this concept and are less likely to resist these responsibilities. Recent surveys have shown that around 90% of parents did chores when they were children, but should your children do them?

The answer is a resounding “yes”.

Doing chores is one of the biggest factors in determining a person’s later health and well-being. Studies have also found that adults who were given chores when they were growing up were more likely to be independent, were better team players, and had a better understanding that hard work is necessary to create a healthy community.

When Should Children Begin Doing Chores?

This is totally up for you to decide, but experts often suggest starting them as early as toddler age! Sure, you’re probably not going to make them vacuum the house at 3 years old, but they can learn to put their toys and books away, and help you with tasks, too.

Once kids are 12 and older, they can help with more challenging responsibilities, such as cooking simple meals for themselves, doing their own laundry, taking out the trash, and so on. Cleaning their room and/or bathroom is also a great idea.

How to Get Kids to Do Chores?

Being positive and relaxed has an enormous impact on how our children see chores. If your child is worried you’re going to get upset at them for doing them incorrectly, they may start to dread chores. If they feel you getting frustrated with them, it’s the same thing.

This is also why so many psychologists recommend against using chores as punishment. Imagine as adults, associating chores with something like being punished - they’re never going to feel motivated to do these necessary tasks like cooking and cleaning.

So, how do you get kids to do chores?

Create a safe and trusting space for them, where they feel you’ll react positively to them contributing to their household in this way. Let them know you have their back, but that they are still expected to finish this chore.

Have Fun with It

If you’re frustrated, there’s no harm in helping your little one out until they have it mastered. However, also make sure that the chore in question fits into their age group as well as their particular skills or interests.

Once they’ve finished their chores correctly, really focus on the positivity! A high-five, a “good job” or dancing around to some fun music while cleaning can make a big difference!

Oh, and who doesn’t love a good bit of competition? Make it a race or tell them, “I bet you can’t finish x chore in x amount of minutes”! Works every time (unless they’re older).

Reward Systems

You may choose to reward your child for doing their chores. This may come in the form of an allowance, or maybe additional freedoms or privileges such as getting to stay up an hour later. This is the easiest way to get kids to do chores, no matter how old they are.

There is a potential drawback to this method, though.

Using rewards creates intrinsic motivation, which makes them process chores differently in their brains. Instead of chores just being an inevitable part of life, or providing them with a sense of responsibility, it turns into a “well, what am I going to get out of it?” kind of thing.

You may find your child is less likely to help out unless they know there’s a reward in it for them. Decide what’s best, depending on your child’s personality.

You can track that they’ve done their chores with a convenient app like Family Daily, which is an app that can be synced to every family member’s phone seamlessly.

Share calendars where every person has their chore(s) for the day conveniently color-blocked out so everyone knows who’s doing what, and when.

What if They Say “No”?

If your child occasionally says “no”, it’s usually best not to force it. Of course, if this happens on a regular basis then you’ll need to stay firm. However, if your child is usually on top of their chores and just really doesn’t feel good or has some extenuating circumstance that prevents them from doing it, try to be flexible.

While this may seem like you’re being a bit soft, being understanding is more likely to create a tighter bond with your child that they’ll value even as adults. They need to know that you respect their humanity, while still instilling their responsibility and accountability.

So, is it wrong to make your kids do chores?

Absolutely not.

In fact, one could say it may be “wrong” for you not to. While there should always be a bit of flexibility rather than being overly strict, chores are a huge factor in how our future self plays out. Doing chores is an invaluable way to help create responsible adults who are willing to put in the work for the greater good. It makes them more independent, responsible, and better at working with others.

Shayanne Weeks

Shay is a versatile writer originally from Boise, Idaho, now based in Los Angeles, California. When not writing, she's a touring music producer and DJ who tries to fit in time with her partner and 4 fur babies as much as possible.